Stranger in a Strange Land

[Quakerlol]

You arrive in the LAND OF FIRE AND LILIES. There's a smoky tinge to the air, a scent that somehow resembles a campfire and flowers, and is not at all unpleasant. You look up. The sky is dark, with a few even darker patches of smoky clouds. A red haze lines the horizon. You're on a large lilypad, much bigger than your lawnring. A huge crystalline pink flower juts sharply up from the pad several feet away from you. Most of the petals arch high into the air, but one lies down in front of you to form a sort of pathway. You can see what looks like a huge temple in the center of the flower, raised up, with the petal making an arching bridge right up to the front steps.

You look around. There are some other lilypads off in the distance, connected to yours by stone bridges. Some of them are smoking. You can't see any other buildings from your vantage point, but you are sure they are there. A noise catches your attention and you turn your head back to the building. A rusty red tail flicks out of sight behind one of the columns. Well hello there.

"okay you )itt)e barstard, (ome out here where i (an ki)) you," you say, taking off your COPTERPACK and stowing it away. You heft TOM DAN THE FLAIL. This mofo is going down. You start up the petal bridge.

It takes a bit longer to get up than you expected. The crystal petal is slippery under your shoes. You make a mental note to make some boots the next time you have a chance. By the time you arrive on the steps of the temple, there's no sign of whatever that tail belonged to. The columns are covered in runes, though. You think that someone you know would have a field day with this stuff, but right now you're focused on that monster. Is it some sort of new enemy? You haven't seen anything with a tail yet, but you don't know.

Well, you could go in the temple, you guess. Or you could stay out here and look around some more. Or you could do neither of those things! The sky is not even the limit.

[Radiodragon]

==> Pester that stoner guy.

[Quakerlol]

==> Get pestered by Kyanas

herobound.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=pester2&thread=71&page=1

Holy crap, what was that noise. You look around the columns, but nothing's there. Dammit, there it is again! You jerk your head up, just in time to see something scaly withdraw its had from a temple window above you. What in the ever-loving fuck.

You decide to find a more secure position. You see what looks like a little alcove in the temple wall, and investigate. It's a recess with a statue or something in it. You disregard the possible historical or cultural value of the statue and toss it out of the alcove, settling yourself in. You shift around until you find a comfortable position. There. Now nothing can sneak up on you.

==> Pester that stoner guy.

Yeah, you figure you've left him hanging long enough.

herobound.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=pester2&thread=76&page=1

Well he seems to be doing better than the last time you spoke to him. Besides, pie. Hell yes.

[Shipfish]

==> Investigate the scaly critter.

[Quakerlol]

==> Investigate the scaly critter.

Okay, you could do that. The little mofo was in that window up there, so you could either climb up the face of the temple, which is covered in crags and other handholds, or you could go through the temple itself and maybe get lost in all the twists and turns. Yeah, you're climbing this thing. You've already gotten out from your alcove and started limbering up when you realize that you don't need to climb. Duh. You have a flying thing. You resist the urge to facepalm.

You strap on your COPTERPACK and adjust your goggles. Time to see just how well this thing can fly. You flick open a throttle on the control panel and rocket into the air, leaving a trail of smoke behind you. It doesn't take you long to get to the level of the window that the scaly thing disappeared into. You hover there for a bit and peer inside. No sign of the scaly thing. The room looks pretty normal, just a stone room with tapestries or something and torches on the walls.The door into the hall is open, and you can see some more rooms and torches. Lots of torches here.

You try to gently ease yourself into the room, but your boot catches on the windowsill and you fall headlong onto the carpet. Smooth. You're glad nobody saw that. You sit up and check your COPTERPACK for damage. Luckily none of it's bent or broken. You stow it away in your sylladex. Okay, what now?

[Shipfish]

==> Look around.

[anonymousWavelength]

==> Look around.

Sounds good. You take your COMPUGOGGLES off and examine the room. It has stone walls, a stone floor, and some tapestries hanging on the walls. Now that you don't have your overheating COPTERPACK on your back anymore, you also realize that it is cold. Pretty drafty, really. You guess the tapestries are there to muffle that or something.

On one side of the room there's a huge stone fireplace. Its ashes cooled a while ago, so you hope that's a sign nobody's going to be in this room for a while. There's also a burnt-out torch in a sconce on the wall. The room doesn't have much furniture, just a table in the middle and chairs and something that you guess is a couch. It doesn't look quite right, though, like it was designed for something that doesn't quite have troll anatomy. There's a weird groove where the back and seat of the couch should connect, like something goes there when people sit in it. Are there other trolls here? Are there people besides monsters? Or do the monsters sit here? You have no idea. Maybe investigating further would be a good idea.

You start to poke around a bit, wary of anyone coming in through the open door, but suddenly you hear your COMPUGOGGLES beeping at you from your sylladex. You put them on. Looks like Stebia's pestering you.

herobound.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=pester2&action=display&thread=78

Suddenly you hear a raspy hiss from the hallway.

[10:17] AW: ho)y shit
[10:17] PB: What?

You look over your shoulder, and catch the tail end of something rustling by the door. Dammit, monsters.

[10:17] AW: gonna have to go
[10:17] PB: What???
[10:17] AW: shit shit shit
[10:17] AW: bye
[10:17] PB: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
[10:17] PB: Aruale, what is it?
[10:17] AW: perster you )ater

Shit. The hissing is getting louder, like there's a lot of them. You stow away your COMPUGOGGLES and get out TOM DAN THE FLAIL. You think you're going to need him. "here (omers tom, motherfu(kers," you whisper in the most hardboiled way possible. You of all people are certainly not above a snappy quip when cornered.

The hissing keeps growing, and abruptly stops. You tense up, expecting a strife, but none comes. There is a low murmur from outside, as if from a whispered conversation. Are these things talking to each other, or are they just psyching you out? What's going on? Shit. Shitshitshit. Should you face them, or run like a scared wussy wiggler?

[Shipfish]

==> Back yourself into a corner and wait for them to enter. if they look evil, take them out with Tom and the element of surprise.

[Quakerlol]

==> Back yourself into a corner and wait for them to enter.

Okay. Okay, you can do that. Deep breaths. Calm down. The whispering has stopped altogether, and you hear some scuffling sounds, like scales pushing against scales. Finally a tongue flicks out from behind the doorway. You tense up and start backing away, holding Tom in readiness. A scaly head pokes its way, nose-first, into the room. It has red scales that seem duller than they ought to be, black eyes like coals, and lots and lots of pointy teeth that it seems to be baring at you. You take another step backward.

"ba(k it up, monster," you say in warning, "i wi)) (rursh your tiny arss if i have to." It hisses and advances slowly. You start to swing Tom-

"Ssssstop, hero," it says, holding up one scaly claw. What the hell. "We mean you no harmssssssss."

")ike he)) you do," you reply, very weirded out. You're not sure if you're supposed to kill this thing or not. "jurst stop right there and we (an ta)k."

It pauses, its tongue flickering out nervously. Its head bows. "Are you sssssssssthe Heir? The one sssssent to usssss?"

You shrug. "maybe. depends on what the he)) that means."

Hissing starts kicking up from behind the door, like you pissed the creatures off or something. The one in the room lashes its tail against the floor. "Sssssyou do not know? You do not know of the prophesssssssssssssssy?"

The way it keeps hissing is getting on your nerves, but you don't think the thing's a threat. You cautiously put down Tom. "nope. no idea."

The hissing gets louder again, and you see another lizardy thing pop its head out and hiss at the one in the room. The one in the room hisses back briefly, and skitters back into the hall. Whispers resume, like they think you're listening in or something. Yeah, you would be, but you don't speak Hiss so it's sort of just really annoying.

After the little things have some sort of conference, and you put Tom back into your strife specibus because you're tired of holding him, another one skitters in and beckons at you. "Sssssfollow meeeee."

[Shipfish]

==> Follow him. This is going to be great.

[Quakerlol]

==> Follow him.

You follow the pack of lizards (is there a proper term for that? who even cares) down the long hallway. Torches sputter on the walls, casting eerie shadows everywhere. You can see other lizards, different colors, poking their heads out of holes and rooms and then withdrawing once they see you. Rude.

Oh, the lizard's talking again. Better listen. "For yearsssssss our planet hassss been gripped in the icy hold of deathssssssss." Oh god, is it exposition time already? You have played enough adventure games to know when the plot is kicking off and when you should listen, and now is that time. "Before, the planet wasssss a fertile one, green with flowerssss and grasssssssssssssssssssss, under the ausssspicessss of our goddesssss." Okay, now that hissing is just getting preposterous. They'll have you doing it soon enough. "But then our goddesssss fell into a deep apathy. No longer doesss she burn with fiery emotionsssss. No longer does the planet warm ussss. Now we musssst burn torchessss and firesss jussssst to ssstay alive. We have hoped and prayed for the day when the chossssen one would come to deliver usssssss." It turns its head to look at you and flicks its tongue out.

"wait. you saying i'm the (horsen one?" you ask, skeptical. Whoop-de-freaking-do. You got stuck with some lame quest, and you've barely started the game. Just your luck.

"Sssssyou could be," the lizard replies. "It wasssss sssaid that our deliverer would fall from the ssssky, sssssent by great Sssskaia to free our planet once more." It nods at you. "It wassss sssssaid that the hero would possesssss the proper temperament to awaken our planetssssss' heart. It wasssssssss ssaid that the hero would ignite the firessss deep in our goddesssss' ssssoul, and ssset the planet to rightssss once again." You reach a huge set of double doors and the lizards push it open, revealing a gigantic chamber. Some scurry ahead of you, and another pushes against the backs of your legs to get you to move forward. You stumble a bit and start walking again. The lizard next to you keeps talking.

"We musssst make certain that you are the hero. You mussssssst be tessssted. If you passss, then you will be deemed worthy. If not, then you are ourssss." It bares its teeth at you in what you can only assume is a smile. You prepare some witty retort, but your ears are suddenly assailed on all sides by the loudest hissing you have ever heard. You cover your ears and look around. The chamber is filled to the brim with lizards, sitting in amphitheater bleachers going all the way up to the ceiling, stomping their feet and thrashing their tails and hissing, always hissing. The room echoes and multiplies the sound to the point where it becomes painful. It builds and builds in a terrible reptilian crescendo until finally at some unseen signal they fall silent. You look up. Every lizard in the house is either looking at you with gross beady eyes or looking directly above the door you just came in through.

[Radiodragon]

==> Haha, no. You don't have time to be "tested." Ask them exactly how many people have fallen from the sky claiming to be the chosen one. If the answer is less than one, tell them where they can go shove their test.

[Quakerlol]

==> Look up

You follow the gazes of every lizardbeast in the place and slowly turn. Directly above the entrance is some sort of spectator box, carved with murals or something. Inside the box there are three lizards. You put a hand over your mouth to stifle laughter. The one in the middle is wearing the most ridiculous hat that you have ever seen. The lizards seem to take your reaction as one of shock.

"Ssssssthe Grand High Priesssssst, Sssssadalin Ssssaurinate, presssssssiding," a bulky lizard to the right of the hat lizard announces. You are pretty sure that doubling over in laughter would not help your chances of getting out of here unattacked, or of finding out more about the dumb quest that you apparently have to do. You make the effort to get a straight face back on and stand a bit straighter. The wizened lizard in the hat rustles around a bit and starts to say something, but it comes out so raspy that you can't make out a word of it. Another lizard brings a primitive megaphone-looking thing over to the hat-priest-guy, and he speaks into it.

"Doessss thisssssssss work?" You nod. "Good. Ssssssssnow, you will be tesssssted to sssssseeee if you are truly the Hero that we have been sssssssssssssssseeking."

==> Tell them where they can go shove their test.

"ex(urse me," you interrupt, "but do we rea))y have to do thirs?" The lizards murmur in consternation.

The priest guy frowns at you. "Ssssswe mussssssst tessssssssst you! To ensssssssure that you are-"

You interrupt again. "yeah yeah, the hero or whatever. don't (are. )ook, i'm a bursy tro)). of (ourse i'm the hero, thirs irs my goddamn )and. it's not gonna be anyone e)se." The lizards are muttering like crazy. "(an we p)earse jurst skip a)) thirs hoofbearstshit and get on with my querst or whatever?"

"INSSSSSOLENCE!" the bulky lizard shouts. "HANDLERSSSSS! RELEASSSSSE THE BEASSSSSSST!" Behind you, a gate creaks open and you turn. A hulking monster, twice as tall as you, shambles out. It looks like it's probably the same sort of thing as the imps and ogres, since it's got a hard carapace and the claws of Stebia's lusus, but its face is skeletal and it hunches over. It also has wings that you think it could probably use if it wanted to. You have a feeling that if it drew to its full height it wouldn't be able to fit through that gate. The doors behind you are definitely not going to be a means of escape, seeing as they are huge and made of stone and you do not have the time or the inclination to smash through them. "shit." You yank the GLORIOUS FIST OF BLAH BLAH STUFF out of your specibus as the lizards cheer. Looks like you're going to be tested whether you want to or not.

[Radiodragon]

==> Beat it within an inch of it's miserable life.

[Quakerlol]

==> Beat it within an inch of its miserable life.

Oh, you will. You de-equip all of your computing devices. Can't afford any distraction now. The monster screams and opens its wings, buffeting you. It's difficult to stand your ground against the gusts of wind, and you hold an arm over your eyes to block the stinging bits of grit that it kicked up. You hear the flapping wings change tempo, and the screeching gets louder and louder, moving upwards over your head. Crap. It's flying.

You grit your teeth and equip your copterpack, zooming upward to meet the thing on its terms. It screams and dives toward you, foreclaws extended, and you only barely swerve out of the way. The hissing ramps up, and you now have a better idea why all those lizards sit lining the walls. They're spectators, and you're the main attraction. Fighting a monster to 'prove' yourself, yes, but also to entertain. Assholes. You'll show them. But first, you'll put on a good show. The monster has regained altitude, and flies at you again, but you swing your flail at it and land a solid hit on its bony head. It hisses and falls a few feet, the tip of its horn cracking off. Perfect. It tries to gain altitude on you again, and you begin to figure out its entire attack strategy. You have one thing on it, though: you don't get tired from flying. This is going to be even easier than you thought.

You yell and pull into a dive, your flail trailing red fire behind you, and it can't maneuver and you slam your weapon into its chest. It falls diagonally, slamming into the wall a little ways below you. Weakly it regains flight, and you let it. The lizards are cheering, and you're enjoying it. Being the victor, hearing a crowd cheering for you and you alone, who wouldn't want that? You let the thing get up high. No sense depriving your fans of a show. It dives, and cockily you wait, dodging to the side at the last moment and letting it shoot past you. As it does, you spin around and use the momentum to land a solid kick between its shoulderblades. It screeches in annoyance more than pain, and the crowd cheers again. The creature is far below you, it'll take a while to get back up to you, and so you swoop around the ampitheatre in a victory lap, assured and confident. You don't hear it diving at you until it's too close to dodge.

It dives at your face with its terrible claws as you spin around, and you barely get your arm up in time to keep it from scratching out your eyes. Rivulets of blood run down your forearm and you cry out in pain. It's close, too close, and you can't build up momentum to swing so you jerk your leg up and knee it in the stomach, gaining you just enough space to make a feeble swing and knock it back a bit more, and again, stronger, to actually do some damage. Your arm hurts like a bitch and the blood is running faster now as your heart rate increases. Rust-colored droplets have started to reach the dusty ground below.

It screeches and tries to advance but you swing again, and again, and again, and it's getting harder to feel the pain of the wounds because your shoulder is screaming at you every time you make contact with the monster. A roaring is pounding at your eardrums and a haze is covering your vision as you swing and swing until finally the monster, driven up against the wall by your unrelenting force, shatters. You only register this when your flail impacts rock rather than monster and sticks there. The roaring in your auricular sponge clots has subsided. You can see clearly, and you hurt. The adrenaline has died down and you can feel your shoulder aching from overuse. Your arm is worse, though. It feels like burning brands have been seared into your skin. You hope against hope that that monster didn't have some sort of poison on its claws. You flick the throttle on your copterpack and slowly descend to the ground. The hissing grates on your nerves now instead of elating you. You put your copterpack and your weapon back into your inventory. Picking up the grist is a mechanical motion as you come off the battle-induced high you had been riding. You're pretty sure you gained a level or two, but you don't care. The anger at the monster for hurting you has turned into a cooler rage at the lizard for setting you up like this. Holding your arm, you look up at the high priest as he liplessly smiles back at you.